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2nd prompt ~ Vita - It's Like Montparnasse All Over Again

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Previous Entry 2nd prompt ~ Vita Apr. 22nd, 2004 @ 10:26 pm Next Entry
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From:3g0
Date:April 25th, 2004 08:59 am (UTC)
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Have you ever read Larissa Szporluk's poems? The voice here reminds me of her poems Dark Eros and Pecuniary in particular, as if her victims were speaking.

I think, if you will, that there is an orgasm of simile in this piece. Some of your phrases, as someone above mentioned, are so tight, that they should be lovingly preserved - to have too many sort of tires the mind and overwhelms with images. For example, "...rain drenched October night like a thousand tiny teeth of glass" is beautiful. I think the part about it's bite is inherent in the first image you paint, so the next is too much sugar on the berries.

It will be interesting to see where this piece goes.
From:orange_velcro
Date:April 25th, 2004 04:36 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! No I haven't read her. (To be honest I have never heard of her, but you have me intrigued....what would you reccomend I read?)

"For example, "...rain drenched October night like a thousand tiny teeth of glass" is beautiful. I think the part about it's bite is inherent in the first image you paint, so the next is too much sugar on the berries."

I think you are right that I don't need the part about "biting through my soul". I will keep that in mind when I make alterations.
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